Similes for useless are perfect when you want to describe something or someone that serves no purpose, fails expectations, or simply doesn’t work.
These creative comparisons make your point clearer and more memorable, especially in writing or everyday conversation. For example, you could say, “That excuse was as useless as a screen door on a submarine,” to highlight how ineffective it was.
If you’re aiming for humor, sarcasm, or sincerity, these similes bring a powerful punch using relatable imagery and tone.
In this article, we’ll explore 41 similes for useless, showing how different comparisons can make your language more engaging.
Unique Similes for Useless
As useless as a screen door on a submarine
Meaning: Describes something that is completely ineffective or impractical.
Example Sentence:
“That old map is as useless as a screen door on a submarine—there’s no way it’s going to help us find the treasure.”
“Trying to use this broken phone is as useless as a screen door on a submarine.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As pointless as a chocolate teapot 🍫🍵
- As effective as a sieve in water 🧺
- As helpful as a solar-powered flashlight 🔦
As useless as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest
Meaning: Describes something or someone incapable of performing a task.
Example Sentence:
“His attempt at fixing the car was as useless as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.”
“She’s as useless as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest when it comes to basketball.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As helpless as a fish on dry land 🐟
- As ineffective as a broken compass 🧭
- As impractical as a handcuffed thief 🚔
As useless as a chocolate fireguard
Meaning: Refers to something that is completely ineffective or has no purpose.
Example Sentence:
“That advice was as useless as a chocolate fireguard—it didn’t help in the slightest.”
“Trying to use that expired coupon was as useless as a chocolate fireguard.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As futile as a paper umbrella in a storm 🌧️
- As ineffective as a snowball in the desert ❄️
- As helpful as a broken pencil ✏️
As useless as a lead balloon
Meaning: Describes something that falls flat or has no chance of succeeding.
Example Sentence:
“The idea of a vacation in winter was as useless as a lead balloon—no one could get excited about it.”
“His proposal to change everything was as useless as a lead balloon.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As impractical as a bicycle in the snow 🚲❄️
- As pointless as a wet paper bag 🛍️
- As ineffective as a car without wheels 🚗
As useless as a hollow log
Meaning: Refers to something that has no real value or function.
Example Sentence:
“That empty promise was as useless as a hollow log—it had no substance.”
“His explanation was as useless as a hollow log, offering nothing but silence.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As pointless as a broken clock 🕰️
- As ineffective as an empty cup ☕
- As futile as a door with no handle 🚪
As useless as a sunburned vampire
Meaning: Describes something or someone that is completely ineffective in a given situation.
Example Sentence:
“His sunscreen in the middle of winter was as useless as a sunburned vampire.”
“That broken umbrella in a storm is as useless as a sunburned vampire.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As futile as a winter coat in the Sahara 🏜️
- As helpless as a snowman in the sun ☀️
- As ineffective as a solar panel at night 🌙
As useless as a paperweight on a digital desk
Meaning: Refers to something that no longer serves a practical purpose.
Example Sentence:
“That old desktop is as useless as a paperweight on a digital desk—no one uses it anymore.”
“The phone was as useless as a paperweight on a digital desk; it couldn’t even make a call.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a floppy disk in 2024 💾
- As outdated as a typewriter ⌨️
- As unnecessary as a landline in a smartphone world 📞
As useless as a wet match
Meaning: Describes something that won’t work or be useful when needed most.
Example Sentence:
“His attempts to start the fire were as useless as a wet match in the rain.”
“Trying to use that wet match to light the candles was as useless as a wet match.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As helpless as a broken umbrella in a storm ⛅
- As ineffective as a damp firecracker 🎆
- As impractical as a flat tire on a road trip 🚗
As useless as a glass hammer
Meaning: Refers to something ineffective or impractical for its intended purpose.
Example Sentence:
“Trying to hammer nails with that glass hammer was as useless as a glass hammer.”
“His excuse for being late was as useless as a glass hammer, offering no real solution.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a rubber knife 🔪
- As impractical as a plastic fork 🍴
- As pointless as a cardboard shield 🛡️
As useless as a bicycle without wheels
Meaning: Describes something that cannot perform its intended function.
Example Sentence:
“The old bicycle was as useless as a bicycle without wheels—there was no way to ride it.”
“Her excuses were as useless as a bicycle without wheels; they didn’t get us anywhere.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As futile as a car without an engine 🚗
- As impractical as a boat with holes ⛵
- As ineffective as a fishing rod without bait 🎣
As useless as a chocolate kettle
Meaning: Something that is completely ineffective or impractical.
Example Sentence:
“That idea was as useless as a chocolate kettle—it was never going to work.”
“His attempt to fix the issue was as useless as a chocolate kettle.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As pointless as a cloud in the sky 🌥️
- As ineffective as a paper towel in the rain 🌧️
- As futile as a pencil with no lead ✏️
As useless as a snowman in the desert
Meaning: Something that cannot function in a particular environment or situation.
Example Sentence:
“The snowman in the desert was as useless as a snowman in the desert.”
“Trying to use that strategy in the heat of summer was as useless as a snowman in the desert.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a sunscreen in the snow ❄️
- As impractical as an ice cube in the Sahara 🌵
- As pointless as a jacket in July 🧥
As useless as a whistle in a hurricane
Meaning: Something that is ineffective in a situation where it can’t possibly make a difference.
Example Sentence:
“His shouting was as useless as a whistle in a hurricane—no one could hear him.”
“Their efforts to calm the storm were as useless as a whistle in a hurricane.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As futile as shouting at the wind 🌬️
- As pointless as a candle in a tornado 🕯️
- As ineffective as a bucket in a flood 🌊
As useless as a mirror in the dark
Meaning: Describes something that serves no purpose when it’s most needed.
Example Sentence:
“That flashlight is as useless as a mirror in the dark—it won’t help when the power goes out.”
“Her advice was as useless as a mirror in the dark—no one could see what to do.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a lamp with no bulb 💡
- As impractical as a flashlight without batteries 🔋
- As pointless as a night without stars 🌌
As useless as a soggy matchstick
Meaning: Describes something that cannot fulfill its function.
Example Sentence:
“His hopes for success were as useless as a soggy matchstick in a rainstorm.”
“That idea was as useless as a soggy matchstick—it couldn’t light anything.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a wet book 📚
- As futile as a crumpled paper kite 🪁
- As pointless as a jammed printer 🖨️
As useless as a screen without pixels
Meaning: Describes something that has lost its functionality or purpose.
Example Sentence:
“Her explanation was as useless as a screen without pixels—there was no clarity in it.”
“The phone’s screen was as useless as a screen without pixels.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As impractical as a dead battery 🔋
- As ineffective as a blank page 📄
- As pointless as a broken keyboard ⌨️
As useless as a car with no engine
Meaning: Something that is completely non-functional and cannot serve its intended purpose.
Example Sentence:
“The plan was as useless as a car with no engine—there was no way to move forward.”
“That suggestion was as useless as a car with no engine; it couldn’t get us anywhere.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a sailboat with no wind ⛵
- As futile as a bicycle with no pedals 🚲
- As pointless as an elevator with no button 🛗
As useless as an umbrella in a drought
Meaning: Something that is entirely out of place or unnecessary in a given context.
Example Sentence:
“That umbrella in a drought was as useless as an umbrella in a drought—it couldn’t protect against the sun.”
“Her complaint about the heat was as useless as an umbrella in a drought.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As impractical as a swimming pool in the Arctic 🏊
- As ineffective as a sunhat in a blizzard ❄️
- As pointless as sunscreen at night 🌙
As useless as a paper anchor
Meaning: Something that is unable to serve its intended purpose.
Example Sentence:
“That paper anchor was as useless as a paper anchor—it wouldn’t keep the boat in place.”
“His excuse was as useless as a paper anchor—it couldn’t hold up under scrutiny.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a rubber anchor 🛶
- As pointless as a paperweight in a hurricane 🌀
- As futile as a broken chain ⛓️
As useless as a fireproof matchbox
Meaning: Describes something that is unnecessarily complicated but doesn’t serve its purpose.
Example Sentence:
“The fireproof matchbox was as useless as a fireproof matchbox—it couldn’t even hold a match.”
“His explanation was as useless as a fireproof matchbox; it didn’t make any sense.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a padded lock 🔒
- As impractical as a waterproof candle 🕯️
- As pointless as a bulletproof window with no view 🏙️
As useless as a bridge without a river
Meaning: Describes something that has no function without its essential counterpart.
Example Sentence:
“That bridge without a river was as useless as a bridge without a river—it had nowhere to connect.”
“Her suggestion was as useless as a bridge without a river; it didn’t connect anything.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a fork without food 🍴
- As pointless as a road with no destination 🚗
- As impractical as a key with no lock 🔑
As useless as a lock with no key
Meaning: Something that is entirely ineffective or cannot fulfill its purpose.
Example Sentence:
“His argument was as useless as a lock with no key—there was no way to unlock any solution.”
“Her explanation was as useless as a lock with no key; it couldn’t open any doors to understanding.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As futile as a door with no handle 🚪
- As ineffective as a key without a door 🗝️
- As pointless as a closed safe with no combination 🔒
As useless as a wallet with no money
Meaning: Describes something that lacks the core element it’s supposed to have.
Example Sentence:
“His advice was as useless as a wallet with no money—no value when you need it most.”
“That tool is as useless as a wallet with no money—it’s not going to help in an emergency.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As impractical as a phone with no signal 📞
- As futile as a compass with no direction 🧭
- As pointless as an empty bank account 💳
As useless as a boat with no oars
Meaning: Something that is ineffective or incomplete, unable to do what it was intended to do.
Example Sentence:
“His idea was as useless as a boat with no oars—it couldn’t get us anywhere.”
“The meeting was as useless as a boat with no oars; it was just going in circles.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a ship without a sail ⛵
- As impractical as a car with no wheels 🚗
- As futile as a kite with no string 🪁
As useless as a pair of sunglasses at night
Meaning: Describes something completely unnecessary or impractical in the given context.
Example Sentence:
“Wearing sunglasses at night is as useless as a pair of sunglasses at night—they don’t serve their purpose.”
“His advice was as useless as a pair of sunglasses at night—it made no sense.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As pointless as a flashlight in daylight 🔦
- As ineffective as a winter coat in the tropics 🧥
- As impractical as a swimming pool in the desert 🏖️
As useless as a pen with no ink
Meaning: Something that cannot perform its function.
Example Sentence:
“That suggestion was as useless as a pen with no ink—it couldn’t write anything.”
“The report was as useless as a pen with no ink—it had no real content.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As futile as a broken pencil ✏️
- As ineffective as a printer with no paper 🖨️
- As pointless as a notebook with no pages 📓
As useless as a lawnmower in a storm
Meaning: Describes something that cannot be used in the present circumstances.
Example Sentence:
“Trying to mow the lawn in the rain was as useless as a lawnmower in a storm.”
“That plan was as useless as a lawnmower in a storm; it wasn’t going to work under those conditions.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As impractical as an umbrella in a hurricane 🌪️
- As ineffective as a kite in a thunderstorm 🌩️
- As pointless as a beach ball in a blizzard ❄️
As useless as a sock with no pair
Meaning: Describes something incomplete or missing its necessary counterpart.
Example Sentence:
“That sock with no pair was as useless as a sock with no pair—it couldn’t be worn.”
“His suggestion was as useless as a sock with no pair—he left out the important part.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a shoe without a lace 👟
- As futile as a glove with no fingers 🧤
- As pointless as a chair without a seat 🪑
As useless as a radio without batteries
Meaning: Describes something that is ineffective without a key element or resource.
Example Sentence:
“Trying to communicate without the right tools was as useless as a radio without batteries.”
“His plan was as useless as a radio without batteries—it had no power to reach anyone.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a flashlight with no bulb 🔦
- As futile as a television with no signal 📺
- As pointless as a phone with no charge 📱
As useless as a candle in the wind
Meaning: Something that can easily be extinguished or rendered ineffective.
Example Sentence:
“His efforts to stop the argument were as useless as a candle in the wind—they couldn’t calm the situation.”
“That proposal was as useless as a candle in the wind—it didn’t stand a chance.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a firework in the rain 🎇
- As futile as a flag in a tornado 🌪️
- As pointless as a match in a storm 🔥
As useless as a broken compass
Meaning: Describes something that is completely unreliable or non-functional.
Example Sentence:
“That map was as useless as a broken compass—it couldn’t lead us anywhere.”
“Her directions were as useless as a broken compass; they didn’t help us at all.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As futile as a lost GPS 📍
- As ineffective as a blindfolded guide 🦯
- As pointless as a map with no roads 🗺️
As useless as an empty well
Meaning: Something that is depleted or unable to provide anything useful.
Example Sentence:
“His excuses were as useless as an empty well—there was nothing left to draw from.”
“Her advice was as useless as an empty well—it had no substance.”
Other Ways to Say:
- As ineffective as a drained battery 🔋
- As futile as a fridge with no food 🧊
- As pointless as a stove with no gas 🔥
Practical Exercise: Similes for Useless
Fill in the Blanks
Complete each simile using the correct word from the options given.
- His advice was as useless as a ________ on a submarine.
a) lifeboat
b) screen door
c) periscope
d) compass - Trying to fix that old phone is like using a chocolate ________ in a heatwave.
a) bowl
b) spoon
c) teapot
d) screwdriver - That remote is as useless as a ________ in a blackout.
a) flashlight
b) solar panel
c) candle
d) generator
Multiple Choice
Choose the simile that best describes something useless.
- Which simile best fits this sentence?
“His efforts were pointless, like…”
a) A lion chasing a deer
b) a fish in water
c) a pen with no ink
d) a clock in a library - Which of the following best matches the meaning of “ineffective or unnecessary”?
a) As sharp as a tack
b) As useless as a chocolate teapot
c) As brave as a lion
d) As cold as ice
Match the Simile
Match each simile to its correct meaning.
| Simile | Meaning |
|---|---|
| 6. As useless as a waterproof towel | a. Doesn’t help in any situation |
| 7. As useless as a one-legged man in a race | b. Ineffective or incapable |
| 8. As useless as a white crayon | c. Not functional in the context intended |
True or False
Mark each statement as True (T) or False (F) based on simile usage.
- “As useless as a glass hammer” is a valid simile for something impractical.
- “As useless as a fish riding a bicycle” implies that something is uniquely helpful.
Answers:
- b) screen door
- c) teapot
- b) solar panel
- c) a pen with no ink
- b) As useless as a chocolate teapot
- a) Doesn’t help in any situation
- b) ineffective or incapable
- c) Not functional in the context intended
- True
- False
Conclusion
Similes are an excellent way to make our language richer and more engaging. By using comparisons like “as useless as a sock with no pair” or “as futile as a broken compass,” we can add humor and creativity to our communication.
These similes not only capture inefficiency but also highlight the vivid and quirky nature of things that lack purpose.
If you’re writing creatively, giving a speech, or just trying to express frustration in everyday conversation, similes can help you communicate your point in a fun, relatable, and memorable way.
